So it's the last day of the year. I've just been kind of sitting here going through things as I'm "cleaning house", which really just means that I'm digging around in the files on my various computers and trying to organize/sort. I remembered that I was going to post a couple pictures of my winter running, so here they are. Actually, no one was home, so I had to set the timer and just get a picture before my run. I have no proof that I didn't snap these and then retreat to the warmth of the house, so you're going to have to just take my word for it. The first one is simply me, the other one is what I wear when the wind is a bit too biting and I have to transform into the winter ninja.
It's still hard for me to believe that I'm not only voluntarily running miles at a time, but the fact that I'll take off down the road while it's snowing still doesn't seem to register as sane to me. The dogs sure do love it though, and it helps me by giving me something other than the cold to concentrate on. They love to explore as we go, running through ditches and such. I have to make sure I have enough wind to call them when we go past another farmhouse though, because they tend to want to charge into the yard as if it were theirs. At least they heel easily enough. I have a habit of calling them "dummies" all the time, but they catch on to some things pretty quickly. They get all worked up when they see me come out in my gear because they know we're heading down the road and can't wait.
Anyway, I suppose I should finish this up for now and start back in on the geeking. I have a bottle of Gewürztraminer to crack into, a movie and a couple episodes of The Sopranos to watch. That reminds me, my roommates treated me to a dinner celebrating my degree at Martin Brandenburg Restaurant in Waverly, IA. While we were there, they presented me with a gift of a portable cigar case, which is awesome because I've actually smashed a cigar or two on accident. Inside was a limited edition Sopranos cigar, which I also intend to smoke tonight - most likely while watching the episodes I just rented.
I also have a new story idea that popped into my head the other night. I might just start jotting more notes down on that tonight, because if I start getting something together during break, I think I could use it this coming semester. There are also a couple CDs I'd like to give a quick listen to before the night's over. I've got so much to do, I hardly know where to start.
I usually like to imagine my New Year's Eve as sort of setting a theme for the year to come, and this one is going to find me sitting alone at home in comfort doing things that I like to do. I have a feeling that even though this coming year is going to be a busy one, I'm going to be spending most of it in solitude tapping into my creative side a bit more than I'm accustomed to. I can hardly wait. I'm going to kick this year in the ding ding. Hope you kick yours too.
Ah, almost another month gone by, so it must be time for another post.
I guess I should go back before my previous post and show something from the night before Thanksgiving of this year. I was sitting at my friends place playing cards and drinking a little (lot). Later that night when I decided to go home, I took the usual way and saw a fire off in the distance on the gravel road. It looked large, and I remember thinking that it was unusual to see someone burning ditches at that time of night, regardless of the holiday. For those that may wonder what I'm talking about, farmers sometimes burn their ditches in the late fall so that there will be more room for the snow during winter. This keeps the roads from drifting over and keeps the roads passable. Like I was saying, the fire looked large, but as I drove up to it, I could see that it was much larger than I'd expected; it was a house. I could see that the flames were so big that I was honestly debating whether I should drive in front of it. The drinks told me not to worry, so I pulled up in front and decided to take some pictures. These are just a couple.
I stood there with the camera that I just happened to have in the car, and I remember the time being about 10:30pm and why was it so quiet while a house was burning down not even half a mile away from at least three houses? I sat for about 15 minutes watching the house and for the flashing lights of emergency vehicles as waves of heat and showers of ash surrounded me before I made the decision to continue home. As it turns out, it was an arson fire that the newspaper reported was called in at about 11:02pm, so I'm guessing authorities showed up shortly after I left. I can't help but wonder how many pointed questions I would've been asked had I been found sitting there staring with a camera in my hand. Talk about dodging a bullet.
Now fast forward to the day after my last final, Thursday, December 13th. Thursday afternoons were when we usually had our Kaffeestunde (coffee hour) for our German Club, so we decided to have one last unofficial meeting - a ski trip at Sundown in Dubuque, IA. This is a picture we got some poor slob to take of us before anyone fell. It was a good day; no one was hurt.
As I said, finals were finished and Christmas break is now almost half over. In that time, I've been accepted to graduate school in the English department and have been given not only a tuition waiver but also an assistantship position with a stipend. My unexpected success has caused me to entertain thoughts of possibly going on after the MA for a PhD, but that's something I have time to consider. After that, I auditioned as lead singer for a band that invited me back to work with them. Good things have almost been dropping into my lap these past few weeks. Now it's simply a matter of relaxing and enjoying my vacation before the insanity begins. How have I been doing that? The obvious answer is by eating way too much at my grandmother's house. This is a picture of me and one of my cousins, Kelly. I also have developed some twisted fetish for running on gravel roads in the snow. I don't know why I'm doing this for sure, but the past few months has also seen me transform into a running fanatic. If I had doubts before, the twenty-some pounds I've lost so far has definitely made me reconsider my attitudes. Besides, I feel like a million bucks most of the time now. I thought I might be going out of my mind when I decided to start running in below freezing temps, but there's something about the solitude when you're heading down the road that just can't be beat. Well, if you count running with two farm dogs as solitude anyway. I also attribute it to my Norwegian heritage, so there's got to be some of that Viking berserker insanity running through my veins. Maybe I'll get some pictures up in the next day or two.
Since we're talking about snow and solitude, I wanted to take a minute to talk about the movie I saw a few weeks ago that I'm not sure helped me or hurt me at the time. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had some hard times relatively recently. If you've ever read the book "Into The Wild", you already know the story behind Chris McCandless. He basically got tired of everything, gave away his money, burned his social security card and took off to wander around the country. As he wandered, he hatched the plot to go and venture into Alaska for a winter just to see if he could do it. During these hard times, I watched the movie based on the book and really started to feel that I wanted to disappear, to erase myself from society. In fact, I have to admit that I had tears running down my face as I watched because it made me think of just how wrong I felt everything was, and how I just wanted to separate myself from it and not belong to anything anymore. It was during this time that I revisited some of the poetry I've written over the years (which not a lot of people know about) and wrote a bit more. It was raw and it was painful, and this movie seemed to echo what I was (am?) feeling. One thing that I had to do was find the soundtrack, and as I suspected, it was by Eddie Vedder. The lyrics for the entire album can be found here, but the songs that seemed to grab my attention were:
No Ceiling
Comes the morning When I can feel That there's nothing left to be concealed Moving on a scene surreal No, my heart will never Will never be far from here
Sure as I am breathing Sure as I'm sad I'll keep this wisdom in my flesh I leave here believing more than I had And there's a reason I'll be A reason I'll be back
As I walk The Hemisphere Got my wish To up and disappear
I been wounded I been healed Now for landing I been Landing I been cleared
Sure as I'm leaving Sure as I'm sad I'll keep this wisdom In my flesh
I leave here believing More than I had This Love has got No Ceiling
and:
Long Nights
Have no fear For when I'm alone I'll be better off than I was before
I've got this light I'll be around to grow Who I was before I cannot recall
Long nights allow me to feel... I'm falling...I am falling The lights go out Let me feel I'm falling I am falling safely to the ground Ah...
I'll take this soul that's inside me now Like a brand new friend I'll forever know
I've got this light And the will to show I will always be better than before
Long nights allow me to feel... I'm falling...I am falling The lights go out Let me feel I'm falling I am falling safely to the ground
I highly recommend watching the movie, but only if you've read the book beforehand. I can't guarantee that it'll affect you like it did me, but then, no one experiences anything the same way. At the very least, maybe it will make you look at yourself and your surroundings and see something in a way you've never seen it before.
Here's the official video for the song Hard Sun that I found on YouTube:
I think it's time for me to fall asleep listening to the dog barking right outside my window at some boogeyman and get ready to run another three miles tomorrow morning. I hope everyone's having a good holiday so far.
I'm better than I ever was. I've torn myself down and been born again out of the ashes. I have a new direction, and I'm not going to stop. I've been informed that my acceptance into grad school is almost official and in the next two years I will find my voice and offer it up into the storm, howling into the wind. I have dug down through the scabs and callous to find who I was, and I'm not going to lose it again. It's changed me physically, and I like it. I'm going to run with it.
I remembered that I was going to post a couple pictures of my winter running, so here they are. Actually, no one was home, so I had to set the timer and just get a picture before my run. 
I have no proof that I didn't snap these and then retreat to the warmth of the house, so you're going to have to just take my word for it. The first one is simply me, the other one is what I wear when the wind is a bit too biting and I have to transform into the winter ninja.
