So it's the last day of the year. I've just been kind of sitting here going through things as I'm "cleaning house", which really just means that I'm digging around in the files on my various computers and trying to organize/sort. I remembered that I was going to post a couple pictures of my winter running, so here they are. Actually, no one was home, so I had to set the timer and just get a picture before my run. I have no proof that I didn't snap these and then retreat to the warmth of the house, so you're going to have to just take my word for it. The first one is simply me, the other one is what I wear when the wind is a bit too biting and I have to transform into the winter ninja.
It's still hard for me to believe that I'm not only voluntarily running miles at a time, but the fact that I'll take off down the road while it's snowing still doesn't seem to register as sane to me. The dogs sure do love it though, and it helps me by giving me something other than the cold to concentrate on. They love to explore as we go, running through ditches and such. I have to make sure I have enough wind to call them when we go past another farmhouse though, because they tend to want to charge into the yard as if it were theirs. At least they heel easily enough. I have a habit of calling them "dummies" all the time, but they catch on to some things pretty quickly. They get all worked up when they see me come out in my gear because they know we're heading down the road and can't wait.
Anyway, I suppose I should finish this up for now and start back in on the geeking. I have a bottle of Gewürztraminer to crack into, a movie and a couple episodes of The Sopranos to watch. That reminds me, my roommates treated me to a dinner celebrating my degree at Martin Brandenburg Restaurant in Waverly, IA. While we were there, they presented me with a gift of a portable cigar case, which is awesome because I've actually smashed a cigar or two on accident. Inside was a limited edition Sopranos cigar, which I also intend to smoke tonight - most likely while watching the episodes I just rented.
I also have a new story idea that popped into my head the other night. I might just start jotting more notes down on that tonight, because if I start getting something together during break, I think I could use it this coming semester. There are also a couple CDs I'd like to give a quick listen to before the night's over. I've got so much to do, I hardly know where to start.
I usually like to imagine my New Year's Eve as sort of setting a theme for the year to come, and this one is going to find me sitting alone at home in comfort doing things that I like to do. I have a feeling that even though this coming year is going to be a busy one, I'm going to be spending most of it in solitude tapping into my creative side a bit more than I'm accustomed to. I can hardly wait. I'm going to kick this year in the ding ding. Hope you kick yours too.
Ah, almost another month gone by, so it must be time for another post.
I guess I should go back before my previous post and show something from the night before Thanksgiving of this year. I was sitting at my friends place playing cards and drinking a little (lot). Later that night when I decided to go home, I took the usual way and saw a fire off in the distance on the gravel road. It looked large, and I remember thinking that it was unusual to see someone burning ditches at that time of night, regardless of the holiday. For those that may wonder what I'm talking about, farmers sometimes burn their ditches in the late fall so that there will be more room for the snow during winter. This keeps the roads from drifting over and keeps the roads passable. Like I was saying, the fire looked large, but as I drove up to it, I could see that it was much larger than I'd expected; it was a house. I could see that the flames were so big that I was honestly debating whether I should drive in front of it. The drinks told me not to worry, so I pulled up in front and decided to take some pictures. These are just a couple.
I stood there with the camera that I just happened to have in the car, and I remember the time being about 10:30pm and why was it so quiet while a house was burning down not even half a mile away from at least three houses? I sat for about 15 minutes watching the house and for the flashing lights of emergency vehicles as waves of heat and showers of ash surrounded me before I made the decision to continue home. As it turns out, it was an arson fire that the newspaper reported was called in at about 11:02pm, so I'm guessing authorities showed up shortly after I left. I can't help but wonder how many pointed questions I would've been asked had I been found sitting there staring with a camera in my hand. Talk about dodging a bullet.
Now fast forward to the day after my last final, Thursday, December 13th. Thursday afternoons were when we usually had our Kaffeestunde (coffee hour) for our German Club, so we decided to have one last unofficial meeting - a ski trip at Sundown in Dubuque, IA. This is a picture we got some poor slob to take of us before anyone fell. It was a good day; no one was hurt.
As I said, finals were finished and Christmas break is now almost half over. In that time, I've been accepted to graduate school in the English department and have been given not only a tuition waiver but also an assistantship position with a stipend. My unexpected success has caused me to entertain thoughts of possibly going on after the MA for a PhD, but that's something I have time to consider. After that, I auditioned as lead singer for a band that invited me back to work with them. Good things have almost been dropping into my lap these past few weeks. Now it's simply a matter of relaxing and enjoying my vacation before the insanity begins. How have I been doing that? The obvious answer is by eating way too much at my grandmother's house. This is a picture of me and one of my cousins, Kelly. I also have developed some twisted fetish for running on gravel roads in the snow. I don't know why I'm doing this for sure, but the past few months has also seen me transform into a running fanatic. If I had doubts before, the twenty-some pounds I've lost so far has definitely made me reconsider my attitudes. Besides, I feel like a million bucks most of the time now. I thought I might be going out of my mind when I decided to start running in below freezing temps, but there's something about the solitude when you're heading down the road that just can't be beat. Well, if you count running with two farm dogs as solitude anyway. I also attribute it to my Norwegian heritage, so there's got to be some of that Viking berserker insanity running through my veins. Maybe I'll get some pictures up in the next day or two.
Since we're talking about snow and solitude, I wanted to take a minute to talk about the movie I saw a few weeks ago that I'm not sure helped me or hurt me at the time. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had some hard times relatively recently. If you've ever read the book "Into The Wild", you already know the story behind Chris McCandless. He basically got tired of everything, gave away his money, burned his social security card and took off to wander around the country. As he wandered, he hatched the plot to go and venture into Alaska for a winter just to see if he could do it. During these hard times, I watched the movie based on the book and really started to feel that I wanted to disappear, to erase myself from society. In fact, I have to admit that I had tears running down my face as I watched because it made me think of just how wrong I felt everything was, and how I just wanted to separate myself from it and not belong to anything anymore. It was during this time that I revisited some of the poetry I've written over the years (which not a lot of people know about) and wrote a bit more. It was raw and it was painful, and this movie seemed to echo what I was (am?) feeling. One thing that I had to do was find the soundtrack, and as I suspected, it was by Eddie Vedder. The lyrics for the entire album can be found here, but the songs that seemed to grab my attention were:
No Ceiling
Comes the morning When I can feel That there's nothing left to be concealed Moving on a scene surreal No, my heart will never Will never be far from here
Sure as I am breathing Sure as I'm sad I'll keep this wisdom in my flesh I leave here believing more than I had And there's a reason I'll be A reason I'll be back
As I walk The Hemisphere Got my wish To up and disappear
I been wounded I been healed Now for landing I been Landing I been cleared
Sure as I'm leaving Sure as I'm sad I'll keep this wisdom In my flesh
I leave here believing More than I had This Love has got No Ceiling
and:
Long Nights
Have no fear For when I'm alone I'll be better off than I was before
I've got this light I'll be around to grow Who I was before I cannot recall
Long nights allow me to feel... I'm falling...I am falling The lights go out Let me feel I'm falling I am falling safely to the ground Ah...
I'll take this soul that's inside me now Like a brand new friend I'll forever know
I've got this light And the will to show I will always be better than before
Long nights allow me to feel... I'm falling...I am falling The lights go out Let me feel I'm falling I am falling safely to the ground
I highly recommend watching the movie, but only if you've read the book beforehand. I can't guarantee that it'll affect you like it did me, but then, no one experiences anything the same way. At the very least, maybe it will make you look at yourself and your surroundings and see something in a way you've never seen it before.
Here's the official video for the song Hard Sun that I found on YouTube:
I think it's time for me to fall asleep listening to the dog barking right outside my window at some boogeyman and get ready to run another three miles tomorrow morning. I hope everyone's having a good holiday so far.
I'm better than I ever was. I've torn myself down and been born again out of the ashes. I have a new direction, and I'm not going to stop. I've been informed that my acceptance into grad school is almost official and in the next two years I will find my voice and offer it up into the storm, howling into the wind. I have dug down through the scabs and callous to find who I was, and I'm not going to lose it again. It's changed me physically, and I like it. I'm going to run with it.
I decided that I should post something since I haven't for a while - and I very well might not for a while again. I lot has happened these last few weeks. Well, actually not a lot, but the weight of a few actions has created a significant impact on my life, so I think 'a lot' is relevant here.
I'm having some problems coping and have so many questions I've been asking myself throughout that I don't think I know who I am anymore. It's because of this that my post will be on the short side. I'll be the first to admit that my personality can sway from day to day depending on things so trivial as how or in what kind of mood I woke up today. Right now, I find that it's easier to seclude myself a bit more than what is customary. The roller coaster is broken, and I can't control it from diving when I'm in situations where I need to be social. Light bantering and laughter are difficult when the feeling that you could give two shits about most of your conversations and the laughter is hollow and forced sets in.
I guess I just hope that something good will eventually come, but for now I'm going to sit here over my keyboard in my dimly lit fortress. Next to me on my desk is a picture frame full of smiles that has a tendency lately to make me feel gloriously happy and desperately sad in rapid succession. For those few of you friends that do make it here once in a while, this is my vague excuse for having dropped off the radar lately. I'm still here.
For not posting anything in so long, I'm making up for lost time by making two in one day. I hadn't intended for this blog to become somewhat politically edged, but I guess it was only a matter of time. What you are about to hear is Adam Corolla hanging up on Ann Coulter after she called in as a guest on his radio show an hour and a half late, then tries to make it sound like it was their fault. He responds by treating her the way more people should.
Anyone remember a few years ago when people like Dennis Rodman and Marylin Manson popped up everywhere you turned because conservatives kept wailing about how terrible they were? I know they're still around, but how often do you hear from them? Exactly. No more attention, they go away. Ann Coulter is the same way; if more people would just "hang up" and stop fueling the attention whore flames that she most desperately needs, she will also go away. Well, we are talking politics here, so as long as no one in the GOP or some band of extreme right wing nut jobs feel pity for her/him/it and lends their support, she/he/it will fade away. Hopefully.
There is some language that may be offensive to those that have tender little ears and the audio is the same. I'd at least turn it down if you're at work.
I've just been sitting here in the student union for approximately the past half hour, and I think I experienced a slight bit of brain death. I've only seen a handful of familiar faces from last (spring) semester, and this new batch seems just as socially inept as the last, if not more so. The table next to me has finally ended their phone conversation. No, I'm not one of those cell phone nazis, but when you're sitting in a public place, please refrain from having multiple conversation using the speaker function. I don't want to hear the details while setting up your next doctor's appointment, the conversation between you and the administrator from your child's school, or any other white-knuckle exciting possibilities. I also didn't realize that high heels, raggedy shorts, and camouflage shirts are the 'in' thing this season. I guess when you have an unnaturally dark tan you're entitled to wear whatever you want and think that it looks good. There is one guy sitting a couple tables away that has been reading with iPod earbuds in and periodically peering over his book at me. It may be because I'm doing the same thing to everyone else over my monitor. At least I know he's not typing about me. Heh, someone came up the table next to me and asked the lady if he could use her cell phone - apparently they're friends. What's strange is that she told him that it doesn't get a very good signal unless you go stand "over there". Hmmmm, I suspect shenanigans. Maybe I should've told her that a half an hour ago.
Well, it's already partway into the second week of school, and as you can see, I'm cultivating a healthy level of cynicism. Gah! And the speaker phone lady is back at it. I suppose I should've signed up for more classes to give me something to do other than critique random strangers for no reason. This is my last semester, and things have turned out so that I only have to take the minimum amount of credit hours to qualify as full time. So what do I do? Add 5 more hours on top of that. There is a method to the madness, however; considering I'm moving to San Diego, I decided to audit a beginning-level Spanish course. True, it means more hours of class and homework, but learning a bit of Spanish is probably going to come in a bit more handy than German, no matter what Ron Burgundy says.
Well, speaking of German, I should probably spend the next few minutes looking over some vocabulary for my next class. I hate getting there and having to improvise without knowing what the words mean. It earns me too many strange looks. Hasta próximo tiempo, bis nächstes mal.
Val has been moved to San Diego. She's got an apartment she can move into tomorrow, her grad orientation starts tomorrow as well, and the weather there is sunny and warm with relatively no humidity. I've been awake for going on 31 hours now, classes start for me tomorrow, and it's raining outside. If you haven't guessed, I'm not the most excited to be back in Iowa at the mo. I think it's the massive sleep deprivation that's keeping reality from actually permeating my little bubble of vertigo that's gently carrying me through my day.
The trip itself was great; we left on the 11th of this month and I rolled into Cedar Falls this morning at about 8am. Plans to power nap have somehow been thwarted. When my brain is fully functional, I plan on typing some thoughts and memories of the last week for an actual post of substance. Right now I have neither thoughts or memories. I think. I need to crash soon...
Ok, haven't been on here for a while, although it seems like just yesterday. Oh man, I just noticed that the first week of August will have passed me by within just a few hours. Time has kind of flown, and I do recall whinging in my last post about how Val wasn't around and it has seemed like forever. Well, she's been back since the 29th of last month, and to continue sounding like a baby, we have to move her out to San Diego this coming Saturday. Much too quickly goes the time. On the other hand, I'm very excited about the trip itself; I've never been to the West Coast before, so getting a feel for what we're moving to will be quite a treat. Considering that we're driving, I suppose I'll have all the time in the world to jot down some thoughts and supply some pictures.
I guess I'd like to share a new found pleasure that I'm surprised took me so long to discover. I went on a couple day-long canoeing trips this summer, both of which burned me to a crisp. Regardless of the pain, I'm hooked. I think I've awakened the latent river rat within. From casting off, to picnicking on a sand bar, tying your foot to a tree on the bank and floating in the water with a life vest after eating, watching the wildlife that one can't see from a car window on the highway, sipping on beers for most of the day, and finally dragging the canoe from the water and securing it to the roof, I can't think of a better way to spend a lazy Sunday. These are a couple pictures that I took during the second trip. Luckily there was no one else on the river that day besides my friend, Pam, and myself - but most importantly I remembered to bring my camera. Due to the solitude that day, we were treated to quite a few wildlife sightings, and if you'll notice on the left side of this last picture, there's a bald eagle perched on the branch. Thanks to my roomies for letting me borrow their telephoto lens, or I never would've been able to get that shot. I just wish I would've been able to get a better focus, but I almost capsized us simply trying to snap it, so I guess I should consider myself lucky it's even in frame. Click any of the pictures for the full-size view; the eagle is fairly large, just as an FYI.
A piece of advice before I close, which is actually just as much to myself as it is to anyone else; go outside and find some solitude for a few hours once in a while. It's amazing how much something simple like that can recharge the batteries. I'd say that goes especially for anyone like me who spends a bit much of their free time sitting in front of a computer. It's a goal of mine to get used to spending more time in the big, blue room by the time I get to San Diego. Somehow I don't think that will be too much to ask of myself. It'll be even easier when I get that stellar job and can afford my 400 acre ranch. OK, that may be pushing the limits of reality just a bit. Maybe.
I don't know why this is, but the past few days have seemed quite productive, although I can't really go back and name very many specific events that lead me to believe it. I suppose I will be sooner than later; classes are going to start way too soon for me. On one hand, this is my last semester and I'm more than ready to be done. The sooner the semester starts, the sooner I'll be done. My main beef with not having much time is directly affected by Val's time here before her semester starts. In a few short days she'll be back from Europe, where she's visiting some of our old friends in Klagenfurt, Austria. Here's one of my favorite pictures from our time there together. After what will seem like no time at all, she's going to have to move to California to start on her MFA. Life is not fair sometimes. Oh well, hopefully I'll be busy enough with everything that the rest of the year will fly by. Fingers are crossed (und die Daumen sind gedrückt).
I think the reason that I feel I'm being so productive is because I'm finding myself feeling completely exhausted much earlier than normal. I know, it may not prove that I've actually done anything during the course of a day, but allow me my delusions, please. This is something I'd really like to see change once classes start.
Well, staying true to form, I've totally lost my train of thought on what I was going to write next, so I'll just put in something to watch and get ready to pass out partway through.
I did something this last Sunday that I haven't done for quite some time now; I went to the church of the Best Buy. Now if you're anything like me, Best Buy isn't one of your favorite places to be. Sure, there are tons of fun gadgets to go and gawk at, but when you know you're not going to buy any of them it doesn't seem quite as enjoyable. I also usually don't care for the people there, customers and employees alike, especially the "Geek Squad"( referred to from now on as the "Idiot Squad" - there is a distinct difference between 'geek' and 'idiot'). Ok, so maybe I'm going a little over the top by bagging on the customers, but in my book they're barely a step above the stereotypical Wal*Mart shopper, though this is a topic for another rant altogether.
Anyway, getting back on track here, my disdain for this place was reinforced by my last visit. I went with a neighbor of mine who admittedly knows a bare minimum about computers, so he hired me to consult him on what to buy and then to set it up for him. The second we stepped into the showcase area, we were attacked by the first salesman. We were lucky, because this one was apparently lower on the food chain and was easily persuaded to leave us in peace. The second one was a bit more assertive and I did end up asking him what the chances were of buying a computer with Window$ XP in place of Vi$ta. He proceeded to tell me with a very stern face that it wasn't a very good idea at all to replace Vi$ta with XP, and that the manufacturer (we were looking at an HP) would probably have AT MOST (he stressed this) about 40% of the hardware drivers, so the machine would "run really bad". In fact, he told me that I could even ask an "Agent" from the "Idiot Squad" if I liked. I do have to agree that there is a good chance that HP's support site may not have very many of the drivers, but I can guarantee that you'll have a better chance finding the drivers on the website of each individual component manufacturer - which he either didn't feel like telling me or just didn't know. My guess is that he didn't know. He also lost any credibility with me when he referenced the "Idiot Squad" as a definitive source of knowledge.
I should mention here that I work as network support for my university, and I've recently rebuilt two (2) Vi$ta machines with XP. All I'll really say about that is that we haven't switched to Vi$ta yet because of security and support reasons. Here's one good reason. Here's another one. I could go on, or you could google it yourself.
After I hinted that I've already done what he just finished advising me against, he changed his tune a bit, but not in the direction you'd think someone would naturally take. Instead of realizing he was dealing with someone who knows a bit about what they were talking about, he proceeded with an alternate tactic to bleed more cash out of a potential sucker; he actually tried to sell me on the idea that such a dangerous stunt could be delegated to the "Idiot Squad" for a couple hundred bucks. Yeah, that's just what I want to do, spend more money for a bunch of hacks to do something I can do myself. No thanks. The funniest part is when we ended up at the counter and an "Agent" was ringing us in. Installing XP was mentioned again, and this guy flat out told me that it can't be done.
Yes, continuity and general communication are apparently not a strong points with these people, much less a firm grasp of factual information - but this is something that I learned a long time ago. I was hired at the very same Best Buy and quit within two weeks. Reason #1; I don't like being a high-pressure salesperson, and they spent more time drilling you on what makes Best Buy the most profit and how to sell it rather than training people on learning about the product and helping people actually find what they need. It's something along the lines of "sell them what you want them to buy, unless they hold out and actually buy what they want". Reason #2; management couldn't tell the difference between their asses and a hole in the ground. Let's put it this way, when I'm expected to remember mundane details about dialup service providers that no one ever buys, I'd like to think that they could keep my hours of availability straight. Hell, the last day I was there I watched him write my hours down, but I was scheduled during my classes regardless. Morons. Anyway, I'm tempted to document my progress and present it to them as proof of their incompetence. That may be over the top, but we'll see.
I guess it doesn't help that I'm grumpy because Val's been gone since early June and doesn't get back from Europe for another twelve days. I suppose the busier I am, the quicker time will pass. I also talked to one of my friends, Duke, who's leaving for grad school in Georgia in a couple weeks. One good way to keep busy until Val gets back is to party with Duke to see him off. I should pass on this link that Duke showed me the other day. This is to a few videos from a New Zealand duo called Flight of the Conchords, and they seem to be like a Kiwi version of Tenacious D. If nothing else, check out Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros and The Humans Are Dead.
Ok, I need to get going and try to accomplish something constructive before bed. Ooo, an episode of MST3K might be just what the doctor ordered...
The reception starts in about 20 minutes, and I'm heading out the door in (hopefully) less than 5. I was told there are 2 Icehouse kegs and 1 Bud Light. I'm so very afraid...
This is the first post of my soon-to-be illustrious blog (read to the tune of sarcasm). I decided to sign on to Blogger as a proactive measure for my impending poverty. I have a website that I pay for elsewhere on a hosting company that is actually quite reasonable, but I'm going to graduate in December and I'd kinda like to start cutting costs now before Uncle Sam starts shoving his hand in my face - more so than he does already. You see, my page is basically a glorified blog that I made myself anyway, so why not just let someone else handle the code and give it to me for free? Right.
On to the first order of business; it's a holiday weekend and I'm sitting in the luxurious serenity that is the farm I grew up on. It constantly amazes me how much I always wanted to leave this place, yet now I can't seem to get enough. It's so far away from everything and everyone, so it's easy to see how I used to strain at my bindings when I was younger and more of a social animal. I've come to a point where I embrace the solitude. This should be an interesting facet of my personality to address when I graduate and move. San Diego is not a small city. Ah well, it'll be an adventure regardless.
So the main reason I've returned to my roots this time is to celebrate the marriage of one of my old high school buddies. I anticipate an award-winning hangover this coming Sunday morning. Shit, I hate being hungover.
I remembered that I was going to post a couple pictures of my winter running, so here they are. Actually, no one was home, so I had to set the timer and just get a picture before my run. 
I have no proof that I didn't snap these and then retreat to the warmth of the house, so you're going to have to just take my word for it. The first one is simply me, the other one is what I wear when the wind is a bit too biting and I have to transform into the winter ninja.
